Heart to Heart Connection

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything to this blog, I have been having trouble trying to put words and thoughts together.  Brain fog is evil!  I have been experiencing sciatic pain, in addition to fibromyalgia pain. I also have been having headaches on and off. Standing hurts. Sitting hurts. My legs hurt. I have spent much of the past month lying in bed. I have missed most of my Buddhist meetings and have missed seeing my Buddhist friends. A few have visited, chanted and talked with me. Others have called to check on me and for that I am very grateful. So many times when people are chronically ill, folks just don’t know what to say. They have said things repeatedly to soothe and comfort but when the pain appears to be never-ending, people have no more words.


After spending so much time lying down, I’ve learned a few things. The most important is that my bed is not as comfortable as I thought. A part of my bed is broken. Not the mattress, the bed. When the nerve pain runs through my legs or back in the middle of the night, the sinkhole in the middle of the bed doesn’t help. I thought about purchasing a new bed, but I am one of countless people surviving on a disability check. I’m grateful for the money and qualifying for it was a job all by itself. When I stopped working, my income was reduced TREMENDOUSLY!  I really couldn’t afford to purchase a new bed.


Recently, I have become reacquainted with my father, after 47 years of no relationship. Along with him, has come cousins I didn’t grow up with. I also have Aunt’s and Uncles that I knew nothing about and don’t know me. I’ve been in touch with one cousin and one of my uncles. My Uncle has had a really heartbreaking thing occur in his life, but he, at his core is a strong and intellectual man. His heart is wide open and accepting. He’s told me about family members, I have never met including my late grandparents. We both deal with ongoing pain. We have connected on a sort of spiritual level. and we think a lot alike in that realm, though he is Christian and I am Buddhist.


Last week, I got a text from him on a day when tears were running out my eyes and my pain was so unbearable, I was ready to go to the emergency room. I’m sure that would have made me feel worse, dealing with waiting and sitting, so I didn’t go. He asked how I was and I said terrible. I was in pain and about to lay down. Without him knowing anything about my bed situation, he asked about the type of bed I was sleeping in. Was it conventional?  I said yes and then…………


Folks, Love stepped in. My Uncle, who I have never met, offered to purchase a new bed for me.  A bed with wave massage and the capacity to change into in 1001 positions. What a very special gift!! A gift that will last a lifetime according to the manufacturer and people I’ve spoken to, including my uncle, who has one himself. A bed that has an ability to ease my pained body. Thank You is just not enough. We have not yet laid eyes on each other, but our hearts have touched.


In Buddhism, his gift to me, we call it a benefit. My prayers are always to feel better and work on my human revolution so I can work for world peace (kosen rufu), through introducing people to Buddhism. My suffering is causing me to chant more. As I chant more, my life is experiencing change. Some things are easy to see, others are not. I am still developing as a human.  I know one day, so much of what’s happening to me will be more understandable and make complete sense. One lesson already learned, Pain has made me more compassionate. I continue to learn so much as I study Buddhist concepts, almost 11 years into my practice. Buddhism affects my everyday life, every day.


The other thing I have learned while laying down and now preparing for my new bed to arrive, I have stored a lot of things under my bed over the years. OMG!  I’m working hard right now to clean it all up and have the area ready for new comforts. I do it slowly, as I’m trying not to flare up the fibro. I pray that everyone I know has someone in their life, like my Uncle ,who wants the best for you, no matter the cost to their wallet. Thank you and Besos, Uncle.

I hope I will now be able to write more often and post to this blog. Being out of bed for me means more experiences and things to write about. Here’s to more writing and more posting!!


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Go Away Pain!- Please!!!

I have been trying to write a blog post for most of the month of March. First, I was in the middle of a 10 Day Green Smoothie Cleanse. I had a few expected detox symptoms, so I laid low and rested. I read the book by JJ Smith and participated in the Facebook support group. The Ambassadors and Administrators do a phenomenal job answering questions and offering support. JJ Smith makes appearances daily.  I followed the full cleanse regimen and it went really well.  I had 3 green smoothies everyday and approved snacks I lost 11.5 pounds at the end of the 10 days. I will continue to drink at least one green smoothie everyday, to continue losing weight and truly commit to a healthier lifestyle.

For the last two weeks, I have been in so much pain, I haven’t been able to do much writing. Writing requires concentration and communing with your thoughts. All of my thoughts have been filled with expletives, when I try to walk, move and sleep. I don’t want my followers to see a string of curse words across my page, that’s not a good look.

Right now, I am suffering from my usual back pains, in addition to unusual, first time, sciatica. Oowweee, how these shock waves of pain have torn me into itty bitty pieces! Every movement and step literally feels like hot popping rubber bands hitting me over and over again. Both my legs are weak, I need my cane to walk in the house. I am aching everywhere. My right hip and continuing downward is hurting, my foot is numb, I’m used to this pain. Now, my left thigh is experiencing the hot excruciating tingles all the way to that foot. There are areas in my body that are experiencing a level of pain, I have never experienced.

I am yearning for relief. Nam myoho renge kyo is my battle cry, but I think I need to yell louder.  I am laying down more than usual and there have been nights when, sleep could not find me, even if I sent Christopher Columbus out to discover it. Then again, Columbus, never really discovered anything that wasn’t already there. When I don’t sleep for a day or two, I get a migraine, so guess what happened to me?  Alas, I keep fighting.

My pain management doctor plans to do an epidural steroid shot in my lower back this week and it can not come soon enough. I had two, quite some time ago for my back pain, and I did not have much relief. A few days at the most.  But, this time it has to be different. If I can bring down my pain levels from a 10 to at least a 6, I will be doing the Dougie in celebration. I have plans next weekend and this expletive pain has gotta go.

So, I hope to be more active and interactive with my readers in April. I have found that I have readers from all over the globe. Thanks for subscribing and for all your comments! My dream of sharing my writing is really happening. Now, I need less pain and more ideas to write about. Any suggestions?