Day 27 of the 30 Day Writing Challenge

This is a follow up topic from yesterday’s which was write about an area in your life you would like to improve on.

Today’s topic is – Conversely write about something that is kicking ass right now.

So, what am I doing great in my life, right now? I’m living knowing who I am and understanding my worth.

I have never placed enough value on myself. I now honor myself, even when others don’t understand my thoughts and actions.

I truly believe that you become enlightened to different parts of yourself as you mature and grow. Your twenties are for discovery and learning what you like. By your fifties, you know what you like. You definitely know what you dislike. You are sure that you want to live true to yourself. You realize what makes you happy and what behaviors you will not tolerate from others.

I’m more confident to say no to things, no to people and yes to me and my feelings. Therapy has helped me become more respectful of my feelings.

Oprah always says, what do you know for sure? I know for sure that I’m much better at judging people and realizing who should be in my space.

There have been many times when I would compromise my feelings when I felt uncomfortable, hurt or disrespected.

I never wanted to upset anyone. I didn’t complain. I would accept my discomfort. That left me filled with self doubt and confusion. I would rationalize why people acted or treated me a certain way. I won’t do that to myself anymore. It’s not psychologically healthy.

My fifth decade has allowed me to finally free my mind, like that En Vogue song. At 52, I’m putting myself and my needs first. My happiness and comfort are important.

It took me a long time to come to these realizations. This may sound selfish to some. However, I’m no longer forcing relationships, situations or keeping what doesn’t give me joy in my life anymore.

I’ve won and I’ve lost. I’ve learned some things the hardest way possible. I’ve released people and negativity. I let go of unhappiness. I’m now turning the compassion I’ve extended to others, inward and loving me the way I deserve to be loved. Better days are ahead.

At one time, these are the things I sought to improve upon. I have learned many lessons. I know more will follow until the end of my days.

I feel that I am kicking ass, being true to myself. This is me. I’m living with confidence and I’m not second guessing myself anymore. I am happy with who I am and who I continue to grow into.

Day 23- 30 Day Writing Challenge

Today’s topic- Write a letter to someone, anyone.

This one is hard. I couldn’t  figure out who would be the receiver of this letter.

Dear Police Departments in America,

I have been watching over the past few years as more and more videos are revealing to everyone, what black people have known all along. We are disproportionately shot and killed by police, due to racial bias. We seem to fit the description, even if we are not guilty of doing anything. Our skin color appears to be a weapon to you. We cannot remove it.  You are being called to take us away for doing minor things that are not breaking the law. Is there one law for white people and another for people of color?

We cannot sit in a car, own a licensed gun, make an error on the road, sell DVD’s or loose cigarettes. We can’t wear hoodies or run in the rain. We can’t run for a bus, ring a doorbell and ask for directions. We can’t  hold a cell phone or a wallet.  We can’t ride a train to a wine vineyard and laugh too loudly. We cannot question paying for plastic utensils or question you as to why we are being arrested without being violently knocked to the ground to be handcuffed.

We can’t sit in Starbucks doing exactly what everyone is doing.  We can’t even go golfing without you being called because we are golfing too slowly in someone else’s eyes. We can’t live in our newly gentrified neighborhoods, doing what we’ve always done without you and your colleagues showing up in force.

Please tell me how you are training your people? White people can commit crimes, shoot people and known to be armed.  These people are taken away without a scratch on them.

A black person is holding a cellphone and is riddled with 10 bullets in the back. A black person reaching for their wallet is killed with 41 shots. The officers who are murdering innocent  black people are rarely convicted of any crime. They get to keep their lives, jobs and pensions. Sometimes, they get promoted. If they get fired, they find another position in different department.  The families of people murdered by the state are never the same and seek justice they rarely receive.

There has to be a way to weed out biased and easily  terrified people out of your ranks before they get a gun and badge. People who “fear for their lives” and always shoot to kill should not be on the job. Maybe you should have more police of color working in neighborhoods of color. Do you get psychological counseling before you are hired? Is there a question asking if you were bullied in school? Are you asked if you fear people of color? Why do you want to be a police officer? Your job is dangerous, but if you are afraid of danger, this is not the career for you.

There must be a way for black people and the police to co-exist without deadly force. What are your  suggestions? Surely you know that our lives are valuable. Surely you know, that we feel, live and breathe just like you. We do not deserve to be killed by those sworn to protect and serve us.

We don’t hate the police, but we are increasingly becoming afraid of you.  We may want to run when we see you. That doesn’t mean we are guilty of anything. We are afraid to be another hashtag and statistic.  We don’t want to be another life taken too soon. A visit to the dentist is more welcome than an encounter with the police. We have to have special discussions with our children on how to survive police encounters and make it home alive. This should not be our relationship.

We want to find a way to work together for the good of everyone. We want to live long, healthy and productive lives. We want to be with our families. How can we make effective change?

Signed,

A Representative for Black America

 

Day 22- 30 Day Writing Challenge

The challenge continues… Today’s topic called for 10 songs but, I added a few more. Why not? You will discover my tastes run the gamut of everything.

Put your music on shuffle and post the first 10 songs 

1. Simply Beautiful-  Leela James  https://youtu.be/BxTn1om6sWE
2. Versace on the Floor-Bruno Mars
3. Cry Me A River- Justin Timberlake and Timberland
4. Under the Moon and Over the Sky-
Angela Bofill
5. If Only For One Night-  Luther Vandross
6. Juicy Fruit-  Mtume
7. Be Ever Wonderful-  Earth Wind and Fire
8. I Want Candy-  Bow Wow Wow
9. Method of Modern Love- Daryl Hall and John Oates
10. Far Away- Kindred the Family Soul
11.All At Once- Jeffery Osborne
12. As You Like It- Euge Groove
13. Misled- Kool and the Gang
14. Since I Lost My Baby-  Michael McDonald
15.Blue Bayou – Linda Ronstandt
16. Love Takes Time- Mariah Carey
17. You Mean More to Me- Lionel Richie
18. Rock With You-  Michael Jackson
19. Home-  Stephanie Mills
20. Firework-  Katy Perry
21. Diamonds-  Rihanna
Listen and enjoy. I should have posted this about 30 minutes ago but, I listened in full to all of the songs. I couldn’t help myself  😉

Day 18- 30 Day Writing Challenge

I’ve been writing, but haven’t posted for awhile during the challenge. Today’s topic is making me think a lot about myself.

 Post 30 Facts About Yourself

1. Books and music are my first loves. I can read and listen to music at the same time, ever since I was a kid.

2. I can read 2 or 3 books at a time and not confuse the plots. I read fiction and non-fiction books simultaneously.

3. Writing compositions in elementary school helped me to see I was a good, creative writer.

4. I don’t think I have ever written a poem.

5. I could write my name before I started school at age 3.

6. I stayed in the house a majority of the time when I was as a child. I always had homework, it came first and I always did it. I guess it prepared me well for all the days that I now have to stay inside due to chronic pain and illnesses.

7. I don’t remember ever having a set bedtime.

8. I’ve always had insomnia.

9. I watched The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, The Honeymooners and I Love Lucy reruns very often as a kid. I enjoyed the conversations Johnny had with all his guests. I noticed that they chain smoked the entire show which they couldn’t do today. I  know the dialogue to the Original 39 Honeymooners episodes by heart and which Lucy episode is coming on within a few minutes.

10. Every Saturday night, I watched The Carol Burnett Show. To this day, I love anything Carol Burnett related.

11. Michael Jackson played a big part in my life. He was my first celebrity crush as a girl. I loved every stage of his illustrious career.  I wish I had seen him perform live in concert.

12. Prince and Michael’s sudden passings really hit me hard. It felt like a part of my childhood was gone. I did see Prince live in concert. It was incredible.

13. I love to cook. The aromas and flavors make me happy. For many years, I had so many digestive issues, I didn’t eat much. The issues have improved. I have lots of cookbooks that I haven’t used yet.

14. I’ve never met a piece of cake or bread I didn’t like.

15. The first time my writing was published was in high school in our school newspaper.

16. There are  places in my own state I keep saying I want to see and haven’t made it there yet.

17. I hate the cold.

18. I love the sun and the beach

19. I can’t recall the last time I went to the beach.

20. If I had the money, I would see as many  Broadway musicals as I could, when they opened.

21. I think I am addicted to social media. I know I suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out)

22. I’m really fine being by myself.  (I’m a natural introvert)  but, sometimes I like being around other people, laughing, eating and catching up.

23. I have never played spades.

24. I’m sick of being sick. Illness has changed my entire life.

25. I want to travel but my bank account says I could only make it to my front door and no further.

26. I chant a lot for the world to be at peace. I  want us all to live long lives without threats of  a nuclear war that would destroy the planet and mankind.

27. I’m still hopeful that I will have one great reciprocal love in my life before I die. As I get older, it’s harder to hold on to that feeling. Something tells me I shouldn’t give up.

28. I’m naturally nosy. I think that’s why librarianship suited me. We are detectives of facts.

29. I love makeup. I seldom leave home with a bare face. I like color.

30. I like to watch wedding planning shows and weddings on televison.  I woke up early in the 80’s for Princess Diana’s wedding. I did it for William and Kate and will be doing the same for Prince Harry and Megan Markle.

It is harder than you think to come up with 30 facts about yourself. See if you can do it.

A Brief Hiatus…

It’s Day 12 of the 30 Day Writing Challenge. I haven’t posted in a few days. A hellish migraine with pain around my right eye that disturbed my vision, has been tormenting me.

I haven’t be able to concentrate enough to write. I’m feeling better now, but will resume writing and posting either tomorrow or Saturday. I won’t post every day, but I will write and share the best topics.

I would like to thank everyone who has read, liked, shared or supported me with encouragement as I took on this challenge. A migraine won’t stop me completely.  It’s just slowing me down a bit.

Day 8- 30 Day Writing Challenge

Today’s topic was challenging for me.  I debated even blogging today.  I don’t walk around feeling, woe is me all the time. Writing means I am in touch with my feelings and should write them down. This is my reality. People don’t or won’t understand it. Most days, I’m a pillar of strength. Some days, I’m just human and want my old life back.

Share Something You Struggle With.

Living with chronic pain is my struggle and all that comes along with that.

Day after day living in distress inside your body is very difficult and often discouraging.

Not one day goes by without something aching. My largest struggle is that I never know which body parts the pain will strike that day.  Doctors will ask on a scale of 1-10, how severe is your pain? The numbers can be skewed because each body part has its own pain scale. Some days, it’s at a 50 everywhere!

With the pain, usually comes fatigue. It can get so bad, I can’t even get out of bed. I struggle to stand, sometimes feeling like I could crumple in a heap on the floor. I will wait until I can’t wait any longer to go to the bathroom. The smallest task can seem gargantuan on those days.

I have also struggled with physically feeling so much older than my actual age. I don’t look 52 in the face, but I feel like 80 years old in my body. I’m not able to do many things I used to.  I’ve lost some of my independence.

Riding a bus or train was a simple task. I haven’t done either for 5 years. I can’t shop or walk all day and explore as I’ve done in the past. I can’t make a last minute decision to go somewhere unless I have money for an Uber or car service.  I have to book trips a day or two in advance if I have appointments. I get picked up by a service and have no control if they are late picking me up or dropping me off.

I’ve definitely struggled with only getting money one time a month and making it s-t-r-e-t-c-h, in a city that is quickly being gentrified and the price of everything is on the uprise.

I’m still trying to get used to all the ways I’ve had to adapt and change my life.  I have aspirations and dreams that I’ve had to put on hold. I don’t know for how long or if they will ever come to fruition. I try to live every day with short-term, reachable goals. That way I feel I’m accomplishing something.

Struggles are a part of life and I have to believe my struggles won’t always take center stage in my life. I know some victories are coming. If I utilize my faith, the victories will be immeasurable. I can’t wait!

Day 7- 30 Day Writing Challenge

List 10 songs That You Are Loving Right Now 

1. Rocket – En Vogue

Its their first album in 14 years. The harmonies are still tight with 3 members instead of 4.

2. Beautiful Trauma- Pink

I have liked most of Pink’s music since her debut. This one just sounds so good.

3. Make Me Feel- Janelle Monae’
You can hear the influence of Prince in this cut. Janelle’s music career just keeps getting stronger.

4. All The Stars-Kendrick Lamar & SZA

If you saw Black Panther,  you know the soundtrack was fantastic and this was the star in the closing credits.

5. A Good Night – John Legend featuring BloodPop

We usually hear ballads from John Legend so this was a nice change of pace.

6. I Don’t Think About You- Kelly Clarkson

The first American Idol keeps proving to us that she deserved that win. Her subsequent career has been filled with many highs, including this one.

7. Finesse- Bruno Mars featuring Cardi B

Funky 90’s sounds from Bruno with a feature from Cardi B. Bruno is still on a roll after his big wins at this year’s Grammys.

8. This Is Me- Soundtrack of The Greatest Showman

This song is a real anthem for people who feel different. The vocals are strong. The performance of this song during The Academy Awards was a highlight of the evening.

9. Pray For Me- The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar

Another song from The Black Panther soundtrack. It feels like I am in Wakanda when I hear it.

10. Long As I Live- Toni Braxton

This comes from Toni Braxton’s newest solo album. We last heard from her on the duets album with Babyface.  It’s good to hear new material from her.